It's May 18th...we have 9 1/2 days of school left...9.5 days! We are below the double digits now!!! When school began in August, my kids bounded out of bed on their own at 6:15 a.m. They'd have their hair done, clothes on, shoes on, breakfast eaten, teeth brushed, and were ready for the bus' arrival at 7 a.m. Now, with only 9 1/2 days of school left, they still get up on their own...but are often back sleep on the couch when I come down to make sure they have it all together. They go to school in mismatched clothes and socks. They forget to brush their teeth, and the only one who cares to get hair done these days is my 6 year old daughter. They are often finishing breakfast as they put on their backpacks and shoes are being thrown on as they hop, one footed, towards the bus.
They once bounded home from school with a happy, "We're home!" as they barged through the door. They would eat a snack and then race outside to play. These days, the door opens and they drearily come in. The 6 year old is often whiny, and the older boys act as if it is all they can do to get themselves to the couch or their bed to veg in front of video games, TV or their tablets. It is as if they have lost all enthusiasm in living life. Being in school for 9 months has zapped all of the energy they once had.
But, I can't really blame them because I am in the same boat. Waking up before sunrise has never been easy for me - I am NOT a morning person. And yes, I do oftentimes crawl back in bed after getting them off to school. I once helped my daughter pick out her clothes the night before and hung them neatly on her door. I happily made all three lunches at night. Now, I just find a school outfit that is clean and lay it out for my daughter. Sometimes I lazily lay out 2-3 outfits and let her just pick which day she wants to wear them. Lunches have become torture devices for me, and I procrastinate doing them often until the wee hours of the morning (you see why I am not a morning person). When school began, I made sure to have after school snacks ready and available, but these days, I am more of the idea that they know where the pantry and fridge are - find something! (I don't even care if it's a protein snack or healthy..."Sure, have ice cream!" Just don't come complaining how hungry you are in an hour.)
I am done pulling 20 papers from my kindergartner's folder each night. I am done signing the weekly behavior report for my 3rd grader, and I have remembered his spelling words the last few Fridays...he takes his tests on Fridays. I have even quit asking about homework...at this point, you either do it or you don't, and if you don't, you can suffer the consequences. Who gives homework this late in the game anyways?!
I know I'm not alone...not only are other parents crawling towards that light at the end of the tunnel...but the teachers are right beside us! Our eyes meet and convey the same message as we pass in the hallways - "Hang in there...only 9 1/2 more days!" Those behavior charts are only sometimes filled out. The weekly emails come every other week now - or whenever the poor teacher remembers. Of course they aren't giving homework because they don't want to grade papers any more than the kids want to complete them. I imagine they are trying to coast through with as little work as possible these last 9 1/2 days as well.
And so, here we are...9.5 days away from reaching the light of summer sunshine at the end of a 9 month tunnel of education. We're all crawling towards it - exhausted from the parties, school activities, testing (Oh, the testing!!!)...so close and yet, still over two weeks away! I know that come August I will be ready to send my loud, obnoxious, beautiful children back to school. I will be craving structure in our lives again. I will then be tired from 11 weeks of summer freedom. But, today, I crawl towards the light of summer sunshine!
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Saturday, March 19, 2016
Growing Up
I watched them walk across the parking lot with folders and paperwork in one hand and the grasp of their 5 year old in the other. I reminisced about kindergarten roundup with my older three and realized that next spring, I will do that one last time. But what hit me like a ton of bricks was the realization that these parents would be the new, replacement parents in the school for all of my friends with 5th graders who will soon be graduating and don't have younger siblings.
On June 1st, my oldest son and all of his friends will officially graduate from elementary school, and on the morning of June 3rd, they will walk our school halls one last time in an event we call the, "Chomp Out." (We are the Gulledge Gators...thus "Chomp Out.") So far, the idea of the graduation, doesn't bother me; the idea of the Chomp Out causes my eyes to water!!!
I remember walking a very excited but apprehensive 5 year old into his kindergarten class in McKinney just six years ago. He loved his kindergarten teacher, and he was super excited about having his own locker. I am not a super emotional person (my sister teases that I have a heart of stone), but on that morning, I experienced an unexpected emotion. We attended the morning social for new parents at the school. A friend of mine from MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) was one of the PTA moms running the show. She asked me how it went, and a lump suddenly formed in my throat prohibiting me to speak and tears fogged my eyes. All I could get out was a nod. I know she could tell what I was trying to hide because without missing a beat, she proceeded to tell me about her kids' first day of kindergarten and what a mess she was that day.
The summer following Nathan's kindergarten year in McKinney, an opportunity arose, and we decided to move the family to a bigger house in Plano. This meant we would soon have, "First Day of School 2.0" since we found ourselves yet again in an unfamiliar place with people we didn't know. While it may have taken me longer to leave him that day, I didn't cry.
While we didn't start school at Gulledge, we spent the greater part of 5 years there. It is his school. It is where he made friends, got in trouble, saw first successes and experienced failure. It has been his second home for 5 years. And in just a little over 2 months, it will be time to say goodbye. As he walks those halls one last time, I know the memories of the last 5-6 years will flood in. I pray that what we have taught him during these innocent, young years will be roots to hold him as he takes one more step towards adulthood. That the love of Jesus would flood His heart. That he would be the leader he was born to be.
I used this song in the power point for his 2nd birthday because I felt he was leaving babyhood and entering childhood...the best years of his life. Now, he's leaving childhood and entering teen years, which can be the best years, if he will let them.
Find Your Wings by Mark Harris
It's only for a moment you were mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I'll pray for all that you might do
But most of all I want to know you're walking in the truth
And if I never told you, I want you to know
That as I watch you grow
(Chorus)
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage to dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So, let my love give you roots and help you find your wings
May passion be the wind that leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong and guide you on your way
May there be many moments that make your life so sweet
But more than memories...
(Bridge)
It's not living
If you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly
On June 1st, my oldest son and all of his friends will officially graduate from elementary school, and on the morning of June 3rd, they will walk our school halls one last time in an event we call the, "Chomp Out." (We are the Gulledge Gators...thus "Chomp Out.") So far, the idea of the graduation, doesn't bother me; the idea of the Chomp Out causes my eyes to water!!!
I remember walking a very excited but apprehensive 5 year old into his kindergarten class in McKinney just six years ago. He loved his kindergarten teacher, and he was super excited about having his own locker. I am not a super emotional person (my sister teases that I have a heart of stone), but on that morning, I experienced an unexpected emotion. We attended the morning social for new parents at the school. A friend of mine from MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) was one of the PTA moms running the show. She asked me how it went, and a lump suddenly formed in my throat prohibiting me to speak and tears fogged my eyes. All I could get out was a nod. I know she could tell what I was trying to hide because without missing a beat, she proceeded to tell me about her kids' first day of kindergarten and what a mess she was that day.
The summer following Nathan's kindergarten year in McKinney, an opportunity arose, and we decided to move the family to a bigger house in Plano. This meant we would soon have, "First Day of School 2.0" since we found ourselves yet again in an unfamiliar place with people we didn't know. While it may have taken me longer to leave him that day, I didn't cry.
While we didn't start school at Gulledge, we spent the greater part of 5 years there. It is his school. It is where he made friends, got in trouble, saw first successes and experienced failure. It has been his second home for 5 years. And in just a little over 2 months, it will be time to say goodbye. As he walks those halls one last time, I know the memories of the last 5-6 years will flood in. I pray that what we have taught him during these innocent, young years will be roots to hold him as he takes one more step towards adulthood. That the love of Jesus would flood His heart. That he would be the leader he was born to be.
I used this song in the power point for his 2nd birthday because I felt he was leaving babyhood and entering childhood...the best years of his life. Now, he's leaving childhood and entering teen years, which can be the best years, if he will let them.
Find Your Wings by Mark Harris
It's only for a moment you were mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I'll pray for all that you might do
But most of all I want to know you're walking in the truth
And if I never told you, I want you to know
That as I watch you grow
(Chorus)
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage to dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So, let my love give you roots and help you find your wings
May passion be the wind that leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong and guide you on your way
May there be many moments that make your life so sweet
But more than memories...
(Bridge)
It's not living
If you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly
First Day of Kinder - Aug. 2010
First Day of 5th Grade - Aug. 2015
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
God of Miracles
For some time now, our church has been singing new songs by Bethel Music. There are some songs that I really like, but recently, there was one song that really spoke to me; it is entitled Miracles and produced by Jesus Culture:
The One who made the blind to see
Is moving here in front of me
Moving here in front of me
The One who made the deaf to hear
Is silencing my every fear
Silencing my every fear
(Chorus)
I believe in You
I believe in You
You're the God of Miracles
I believe in You
I believe in You
You're the God of Miracles
The One who does impossible
Is reaching out to make me whole
Reaching out to make me whole
The One who put death in its place
His life is flowing through my veins
His life is flowing through my veins
(Chorus)
The God who was and is to come
The power of the Risen One
The God who brings the dead to life
You're the God of Miracles
You're the God of Miracles
We sang this at church the Sunday before last. It was one of those Sundays where you drag yourself into church after an amazingly tiring week. For Sean and I, it wasn't so much a physical exhaustion as much as it was a spiritual and mental one. Three weeks earlier, Sean found out that one of the new players on his 11U ball team had a mom who was being sent home on hospice with a brain tumor that had just been diagnosed a few weeks prior. When we found out about her condition, we began to pray in faith. For the first week, we saw miracles! We saw someone who was in a near unconscious state become fully conscious - eating, drinking, talking, smiling. And then the seizures started, and it went downhill very fast. Mandy breathed her last breathe on earth and her first breath in heaven on February 15, 2016. We were devastated!
When you go through something like that either walking with someone, believing for someone, or in the midst of battle yourself, you have so many questions when it doesn't, "work." My dad explained the battle like a tug-a-war...we were fighting hard spiritually for her healing, but Satan didn't want her to live. Jesus describes this battle in John 10:10: The thief comes to kill, steal and destroy, but I have come that you may have life more abundant. (paraphrase) And when I heard that, it made sense! But, in the back of my mind, I kept thinking, "But my God is bigger!" After several weeks of internalizing this and praying about it, I have also come to terms with the fact that my God is bigger than my understanding as well. One day, when I am in His glory, I will share in that full understanding of the bigger picture.
On that Sunday almost two weeks ago, I sang that song with very squashed faith. I was singing it more as a confession for my own soul that even though the battle was lost, I STILL believe. In fact, I even sang those exact words that morning to the Lord with tears in my eyes...I STILL believe. It didn't work out like I thought it would, like I hoped it would. There is a family pulling themselves out of devastation from this loss, and it isn't fair. But, I STILL believe.
Maybe there is someone reading this who is going through a struggle of faith. You're wondering where God is in your situation. Wondering why He isn't moving like you had hoped. I would encourage you to listen to this song, and if you can, profess with your mouth: I believe in You...You're the God of Miracles. Even when we can't see Him moving, He is still on His throne...He is still bigger...He is STILL the God of Miracles!
To hear the song, visit:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30rZvRc63vw
(You will have to copy and paste for the song. Sorry, I couldn't get a hyperlink to work on it.)
The One who made the blind to see
Is moving here in front of me
Moving here in front of me
The One who made the deaf to hear
Is silencing my every fear
Silencing my every fear
(Chorus)
I believe in You
I believe in You
You're the God of Miracles
I believe in You
I believe in You
You're the God of Miracles
The One who does impossible
Is reaching out to make me whole
Reaching out to make me whole
The One who put death in its place
His life is flowing through my veins
His life is flowing through my veins
(Chorus)
The God who was and is to come
The power of the Risen One
The God who brings the dead to life
You're the God of Miracles
You're the God of Miracles
We sang this at church the Sunday before last. It was one of those Sundays where you drag yourself into church after an amazingly tiring week. For Sean and I, it wasn't so much a physical exhaustion as much as it was a spiritual and mental one. Three weeks earlier, Sean found out that one of the new players on his 11U ball team had a mom who was being sent home on hospice with a brain tumor that had just been diagnosed a few weeks prior. When we found out about her condition, we began to pray in faith. For the first week, we saw miracles! We saw someone who was in a near unconscious state become fully conscious - eating, drinking, talking, smiling. And then the seizures started, and it went downhill very fast. Mandy breathed her last breathe on earth and her first breath in heaven on February 15, 2016. We were devastated!
When you go through something like that either walking with someone, believing for someone, or in the midst of battle yourself, you have so many questions when it doesn't, "work." My dad explained the battle like a tug-a-war...we were fighting hard spiritually for her healing, but Satan didn't want her to live. Jesus describes this battle in John 10:10: The thief comes to kill, steal and destroy, but I have come that you may have life more abundant. (paraphrase) And when I heard that, it made sense! But, in the back of my mind, I kept thinking, "But my God is bigger!" After several weeks of internalizing this and praying about it, I have also come to terms with the fact that my God is bigger than my understanding as well. One day, when I am in His glory, I will share in that full understanding of the bigger picture.
On that Sunday almost two weeks ago, I sang that song with very squashed faith. I was singing it more as a confession for my own soul that even though the battle was lost, I STILL believe. In fact, I even sang those exact words that morning to the Lord with tears in my eyes...I STILL believe. It didn't work out like I thought it would, like I hoped it would. There is a family pulling themselves out of devastation from this loss, and it isn't fair. But, I STILL believe.
Maybe there is someone reading this who is going through a struggle of faith. You're wondering where God is in your situation. Wondering why He isn't moving like you had hoped. I would encourage you to listen to this song, and if you can, profess with your mouth: I believe in You...You're the God of Miracles. Even when we can't see Him moving, He is still on His throne...He is still bigger...He is STILL the God of Miracles!
To hear the song, visit:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30rZvRc63vw
(You will have to copy and paste for the song. Sorry, I couldn't get a hyperlink to work on it.)
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
I'm Still Here!
Six months after beginning this blog, I am here writing a second post. I probably should have thought twice about starting a new blog during the busiest season for my family. Three of my four children have birthdays between the end of October and first of December...throw in some out of town guests...Thanksgiving...Christmas...it's just crazy!!! But, we survived that, and now we are about to enter our second craziest season - baseball season! My oldest is 11, and he has been playing ball since he was 4 so this has been a spring/summer/fall ritual for seven years now. My husband, Sean, coaches the baseball team, which means my life is crazy keeping up schedules with the other three kids while they are at the ball field...or trying to load everyone and everything to meet them at the field for a game. Life with four kids is crazy in and of itself, but I definitely chose the wrong time to start the blog.
That being said, I'M STILL HERE, and I am ready to really get this thing going. My goal is to post something every day or at least every other day. I imagine some will be longer than others, but that's okay. My goal in this is to not only share my heart and life but to force myself to keep writing and not lose the gift and talent God has given me. I have Josiah (4) at home with me for one more school year, and then I will be here in the house alone throughout the day. It is my goal to begin working on some sort of book at that point. I have felt the calling for a long time, but I never felt that it was the right season with my little ones being at home. But, I do feel that the season is coming. In essence, it's almost like God is saying, "I'M STILL HERE! I am still waiting on you to finish that which I have commissioned you." I have a feeling I am not the only one who is in that spot. I know that I, personally, have made excuses and reasoned away why I shouldn't be writing. There is always someone better...maybe I won't make big bucks doing it (or maybe I will)...BUT the one thing I know is that when I do it, I fulfill the calling God has given me. In doing that, I will be fulfilled. I am walking in and using the talents He has entrusted to me. In the Bible, it gives us a story involving talents. Those who hid the talents the Master had given, in order to preserve and protect them, were condemned. Those who took the talents and multiplied them were praised. I want to be praised by God for using the talents He has given me and not squashing them by hiding them away. I would encourage you to do the same.
~
On another note, I admit that I chuckled when I wrote the title earlier. Today marks the 22nd anniversary of my husband professing his feelings for me. It was 1994, and we were only 15 years old. I could not even date for nine more months, until I turned 16. So, back then, we just did what we called, "going together." (My mom refers to it as, "going steady.") What in the world does this have to do with that silly title?! Back in the 90's, Steven Curtis Chapman had a love song out entitled, "I Will Be Here."
I will be here
When the laughter turns to crying
Through the winning,
Losing and trying
We'll be together
'Cause I will be here
And here we are 22 years and 4 kids later...we will celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary in three months...we have had lots of "winning, losing and trying" with much laughter and crying through the years...and you know what?! I think we'd both say, "I'M STILL HERE!" I love you, Babe!
That being said, I'M STILL HERE, and I am ready to really get this thing going. My goal is to post something every day or at least every other day. I imagine some will be longer than others, but that's okay. My goal in this is to not only share my heart and life but to force myself to keep writing and not lose the gift and talent God has given me. I have Josiah (4) at home with me for one more school year, and then I will be here in the house alone throughout the day. It is my goal to begin working on some sort of book at that point. I have felt the calling for a long time, but I never felt that it was the right season with my little ones being at home. But, I do feel that the season is coming. In essence, it's almost like God is saying, "I'M STILL HERE! I am still waiting on you to finish that which I have commissioned you." I have a feeling I am not the only one who is in that spot. I know that I, personally, have made excuses and reasoned away why I shouldn't be writing. There is always someone better...maybe I won't make big bucks doing it (or maybe I will)...BUT the one thing I know is that when I do it, I fulfill the calling God has given me. In doing that, I will be fulfilled. I am walking in and using the talents He has entrusted to me. In the Bible, it gives us a story involving talents. Those who hid the talents the Master had given, in order to preserve and protect them, were condemned. Those who took the talents and multiplied them were praised. I want to be praised by God for using the talents He has given me and not squashing them by hiding them away. I would encourage you to do the same.
~
On another note, I admit that I chuckled when I wrote the title earlier. Today marks the 22nd anniversary of my husband professing his feelings for me. It was 1994, and we were only 15 years old. I could not even date for nine more months, until I turned 16. So, back then, we just did what we called, "going together." (My mom refers to it as, "going steady.") What in the world does this have to do with that silly title?! Back in the 90's, Steven Curtis Chapman had a love song out entitled, "I Will Be Here."
I will be here
When the laughter turns to crying
Through the winning,
Losing and trying
We'll be together
'Cause I will be here
And here we are 22 years and 4 kids later...we will celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary in three months...we have had lots of "winning, losing and trying" with much laughter and crying through the years...and you know what?! I think we'd both say, "I'M STILL HERE!" I love you, Babe!
Sunday, October 18, 2015
Welcome to Mudpies and Butterflies!
In the course of my internet existence, I have created 2 or 3 blogs along the way because writing is something I enjoy and would like to continue to hone my skills. I also know that God has a calling on my life in this area and despite my best efforts to ignore it, I can't escape that calling...and I won't be happy until I have obeyed what He has called me to do. So, I'm back into the blogging world. I don't know how many people will read this; if a few do and are touched, then it is worth it, and if no one else reads it besides me, well, I am honing my skills...
It has been 4 years since I have written anything in my previous blog (Mudpies and Lollipops) so I decided to start anew. I changed the name a bit - Mudpies and Butterflies. It has a good ring to it, doesn't it? (The address name was taken in Blogger, though, so I had to switch it to butterfliesmudpies...hope we don't get confused.)
So, why Mudpies and Butterflies?! It all started when I was thinking about my 4 kids - you will hear a lot about them on here. I have 3 boys who are 100% all boy! As they get older, I am coming to terms with the fact that boys are gross. For me, who grew up a girly girl (and still remains one), nothing is grosser than a mudpie so that seemed to represent my boys. I have one daughter who doesn't mind getting dirty but is also as girly as they come. Her new favorite theme is butterflies...and hey, it rhymes with mudpies. So, that's the simplistic reasoning to the name. However, the more I dwelt on this name, the more I liked it for another reason...on here, you will read about my life, both the good and bad. Mudpies also represent the nitty gritty, nasty things we deal with in this life. The raw moments. The parts we wish we didn't have to look at or go through. The trials...the moments of doubt and fear...the pain. On the other hand, butterflies represent the new life I have found in Jesus. The victories over this world (even the small ones). The triumphs over tribulation. The joy found in every trial. The grace that covers me when I fail.
So, join me on this journey as I fulfill something God has put on my heart. Take a glimpse into my adventure, my roller coaster. Join me in the "nitty gritty" and rejoice with me in the victories.
It has been 4 years since I have written anything in my previous blog (Mudpies and Lollipops) so I decided to start anew. I changed the name a bit - Mudpies and Butterflies. It has a good ring to it, doesn't it? (The address name was taken in Blogger, though, so I had to switch it to butterfliesmudpies...hope we don't get confused.)
So, why Mudpies and Butterflies?! It all started when I was thinking about my 4 kids - you will hear a lot about them on here. I have 3 boys who are 100% all boy! As they get older, I am coming to terms with the fact that boys are gross. For me, who grew up a girly girl (and still remains one), nothing is grosser than a mudpie so that seemed to represent my boys. I have one daughter who doesn't mind getting dirty but is also as girly as they come. Her new favorite theme is butterflies...and hey, it rhymes with mudpies. So, that's the simplistic reasoning to the name. However, the more I dwelt on this name, the more I liked it for another reason...on here, you will read about my life, both the good and bad. Mudpies also represent the nitty gritty, nasty things we deal with in this life. The raw moments. The parts we wish we didn't have to look at or go through. The trials...the moments of doubt and fear...the pain. On the other hand, butterflies represent the new life I have found in Jesus. The victories over this world (even the small ones). The triumphs over tribulation. The joy found in every trial. The grace that covers me when I fail.
So, join me on this journey as I fulfill something God has put on my heart. Take a glimpse into my adventure, my roller coaster. Join me in the "nitty gritty" and rejoice with me in the victories.
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